10 Tips for Making Sex More Enjoyable
10 Tips for Making Sex More Enjoyable
Good news: Without spending money, losing or gaining weight, or learning exotic techniques, you can make sex more enjoyable. Here are 10 things you can do that are absolutely, positively guaranteed to help.
Slow down
This is the single best way to improve your sexual experience. Some people rush to sex before their partner changes his/her mind; some people rush to sex because they don’t enjoy kissing or caressing their partner; some people rush to intercourse before someone loses his erection; some people rush to orgasm because the rest of sex is boring.
That’s a lot of rushing. To enjoy sex more, slow down and experience it, using all five senses. Or at least more than just one.
If you can’t find anything to enjoy in sex besides the orgasm, perhaps you should rethink how, when, and with whom you’re having sex.
Emphasize pleasure over orgasm
If you think that orgasm is the best part of sex, you’re missing the best part of sex. For too many people, sex is 15 minutes of boring or mediocre stuff, with three seconds of pleasure (or relief) at the end. No orgasm can possibly be enjoyable enough to redeem sex that is painful, pointless, scary, confusing, or unwanted.
To enjoy sex more, focus on the majority of the experience (i.e., before orgasm), and try to configure some of it more the way you like it.
Birth control
I’ve lost count of the number of men I’ve seen who interrupt intercourse right before they ejaculate as a form of birth control. Why any man or woman would:
a) take such a chance or
b) undermine their sexual experience like that
is beyond me.
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As a reminder, penis-vagina intercourse is the only kind of sex that requires contraception. Every one of us has many other options. If you and your partner(s) can’t agree on a contraceptive method that you use consistently, consider replacing intercourse as the center of your sex life with outercourse.
Lubricate, Lubricate
Lubrication has no moral value—using it doesn’t mean anyone has failed to crank out enough “natural” lubrication or failed to excite their partner enough to do so.
Many patients tell me they don’t keep a lubricant in their night table because they don’t want the kids to find it and ask what it is. If they ask, just tell them: this is what I/we use to make sex more enjoyable. Yes, that does mean talking with your kids about sex, which every parent needs to do periodically.
Memo to porn consumers: Actors and actresses use tons of lubricant—off camera.
Get excited
When patients tell me a story about a disappointing sexual experience, I usually ask if they were excited. Often, the answer is “I was erect” or “I was wet.” Both indicate that the body is aroused—which is important—but they don’t indicate if the person is excited, activated, engaged, energized. And without those, people go through the motions of sex without the emotional impact that most want from it.
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Do only what you want to do
Most of us won’t let someone pressure us to eat something we don’t want or watch a movie we don't like. So don’t do anything sexual you don’t want to do. If that turns off your partner, you have a bigger problem than sex. And if it’s a deal-breaker for your partner, let him/her go.
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